Marriage Moments

What Is Marriage Moments?

Why Is Marriage Moments?

Who Is Marriage Moments?

What Are Couples Saying Marriage Moments?

How Can I Participate in Marriage Moments?

How Can Our Organization Use Marriage Moments?

What Is Marriage Moments?
Briefly, Marriage Moments is a program designed to help couples strengthen their relationships as they go through the significant changes of becoming new parents. The program consists of this Marriage Moments Activity Guidebook, with an accompanying educational video. Couples work generally on their own to use the information and activities in this Guidebook to strengthen their marriages as they prepare to become parents. We’ve also included some information on the kinds of changes that couples experience in their relationships as they become parents. And we provide a list of some useful resources that couples may want to explore to help them keep their relationships strong over time.

Couples who take advantage of the Marriage Moments program will learn five important lessons that can help to strengthen their relationships:

The real “glue” of loving, lasting marriages is much more than personal happiness. The strongest “glue” is made out of a deep sense of partnership which is built on the virtues of friendship, generosity, fairness, and loyalty.
Friendship in marriage involves getting to know your spouse even better, coming together on the important life goals, and finding ways to be on the same team when disagreements arise.
Generosity in marriage involves expressing admiration for your spouse, recognizing his or her strengths and not dwelling on the weaknesses, giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt, and forgiving the mistakes we all make.
Fairness in marriage involves giving your best effort and trusting that your partner is doing the same, being flexible, and becoming a team, not separate individuals.
Loyalty in marriage involves understanding that the small, day-to-day moments of your shared lives grow into a rich, shared history that binds you together even stronger than your wedding-day promise to “love and cherish,” and loyalty is demonstrated when you are your spouse’s first champion rather than his or her first critic, when you give your relationship first priority, and when you really listen intently to your spouse.

The most important parts of the Marriage Moments program are the recommended personal and partner activities. As couples engage in these activities, they will strengthen the virtues on which a strong marriage is based.

See More than a Feeling: Introducing Marital Virtues.

Why Marriage Moments?
Bringing a new life into the world is a tremendous responsibility. This new life usually reflects the love and commitment that the parents have for each other. But the changes that come with parenthood can also put a strain on that relationship. Research has shown that most married couples weather these changes and make the needed adjustments. Unfortunately, some do not. In fact, we know that about 20% of married couples breakup during the first ten years of marriage, often after children have come into the home. An even higher proportion of unmarried couples who become parents breakup within five years. And even those who weather the storms sometimes notice some “cracks” in their relationship leftover from the stress and strain of turbulent times.

We don’t mean to be pessimistic or to scare you. This is also a wonderful time of growth for most parents. But the natural changes to relationships that go with becoming parents are challenging. Why not be better prepared for those changes? Research suggests that couples who understand the changes that will happen to their relationships as they become parents and work to strengthen their relationships before the baby comes maintain stronger marriages than couples who don’t prepare as well. You are preparing right now for the birth of your baby so that he or she will be born healthy and you will have the best birth experience possible. While you are preparing to give birth, it is an ideal time to strengthen your relationship so that your child will have the strongest foundation possible: two loving parents dedicated to each other and their child. The research is clear on this point: a stable, loving, two-parent home gives children the greatest birthright possible. It gives them advantages that too many children these days do not enjoy. Of course, that is your hope and dream too—to raise good children and grow old together in love.

Working to build and maintain a strong, lasting marriage is one of the wisest things we do for ourselves. Happily married people are healthier, wealthier, and enjoy life more. However, you probably already understand that “happily ever after” isn’t really the way things go. Good marriages require work. In fact, that is one of the best things about marriage. It makes us work to become better people in the service of our hopes and dreams of a lasting, loving family. Our hope is that Marriage Moments will provide you some guidance as you work on strengthening your relationship—for your baby and for yourselves. It is a natural time for couples to work on their relationships because they have a strong desire to provide their child the best that life can offer.

Marriage Moments is based on sound scholarship. But, it’s not a magic wand to take you directly to “happily-ever-after land.” In fact, one of the first things it will do is alert you to the myth that happiness, or emotional gratification, is the most important factor in judging the quality of your relationship. Rather, Marriage Moments is a set of lessons that emphasize qualities or personal characteristics that are the foundation of a lasting, loving marriage. We spend a lifetime developing these qualities. The information and activities presented in this Guidebook are a way to encourage you to keep working to build the strong relationship you desire as you prepare to bring a new life into the world.

Who Is Marriage Moments?
Marriage Moments was developed by a team of researchers and practitioners concerned about the challenges new parents face. This team consists of family life educators, marriage counselors, and nurse educators who believe that one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child is a lasting, loving marriage. We have conducted research and published books and professional articles on strengthening marriage. We have developed and given seminars and workshops on many topics related to strengthening couple relationships.

The content of the program is based on the book, Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness (Jossey-Bass, 2000), written by marriage researcher and counselor Blaine Fowers, who is a professor at the University of Miami (FL). Tamara Gilliland is a Certified Family Life Educator and co-director of the Family Life Education Institute in Provo, UT, a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting family life educators in their efforts to strengthen marriage and family life. Alan Hawkins and Jason Carroll are professors of marriage, family, and human development at Brigham Young University. Glenda Christiaens is a professor of nursing at Brigham Young University. And numerous enthusiastic and talented BYU students helped us develop the program. Although the program was developed at BYU, which is a university supported by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the program does not have a specific religious content. We designed the program for any couple wanting more information on how to strengthen their relationship as they face the challenge of becoming parents.

We don’t claim to be the leading experts in the world on how to strengthen your marriage at this important time. But, as you can see, we do have a lot of experience. And to the best of our knowledge, this is the most substantial program specifically designed to strengthen couple relationships while they prepare to become new parents.

What Are Couples Saying About Marriage Moments?
The very first prenatal class to use Marrige Moments will conclude in a few weeks and we'll have feedback to post then.

How Can I Participate in Marriage Moments?
If you are an expecting couple and live in Utah county, you can participate by registering for one of IHC's prenatal classes. Otherwise, the video and activitybook are available to purchase. For more information, go to the orders page or call (801) 422-5287.

How Can Our Organization Use Marriage Moments?
Marriage Moments is just begining pilot testing stages and is not ready for widescale distribution and use in other organizations. However, we would be willing to discuss possibilities on a case-by-case basis. Please contact our office for further information.